Your Story Reveals Your Why

In the first post of The Soul Of Brand, I share how a theme from my childhood shaped my early career and inspired the core values of my first company.

I wasn’t a cool kid. I was curious, observant, creative, imaginative, verbal, empathetic. Often skeptical, occasionally sarcastic. But not cool. A lot of the things cool kids did I thought were performative and phony. And when I did genuinely think something was cool - usually having to do with a bold fashion choice - and I tried to copy it, it didn’t go so well for me.

Once, in 5th grade, I spotted one of the cool girls wearing a pair of Eastlands with the knotted laces. I hadn’t seen this before, and I thought it was a subculture trend that maybe I should try.

But I didn’t have Eastlands and we probably couldn’t afford them anyway. So I found a pair of Eastland laces, and tried pulling off the vibe with a pair of white Keds instead. Brown, boat shoe style rope laces in white Keds. I think I wore this with a long denim skirt and purple heart-shaped clip on earrings. In the 5th grade. To recess.

I casually walked behind the cool girl with the bonafide Eastlands in a low-pro, semi-stalker fashion. She spotted me and my failed fashion moment and I can’t recall exactly what she said but it was loud enough for the other kids to hear and suddenly there I was, standing in the center of a circle of kids pointing down at my feet and laughing. I retired the Keds with Eastland laces but I didn’t forget that moment. It was one of many throughout my life when I latched on to a trend in an effort to fit in, and it backfired. 

My brother was cool - captain of varsity everything kind of cool - so I was always in the orbit of the cool people. I think this made things worse for me, because I was always hyper aware of what cool looked like, sounded like, dressed like, flirted like, performed like. And I wasn’t doing it right.

Unsurprisingly, I became an actress. In character, I was allowed to be curious, observant, creative, imaginative, verbal and empathetic, without being me. I got to dress like someone else, and speak someone else’s words. I got to lose myself in a scripted character and feel what it felt like to be fully alive, uninhibited, unselfconscious, unapologetic. And for it to be accepted, even applauded. 

Developing a character, creating her backstory, crafting her life narrative, understanding her wants and desires, and then becoming her on stage in front of hundreds of strangers was actually incredibly liberating. When the theatre went dark and the stage lights came up, I came alive. I was able to convey the truth of the character better than I could ever convey my own truth. I could speak on stage far more confidently and convincingly than I could in my real life. And over time, after much training and many performances, I started to recognize my own talent hidden within my ability to bring these characters to life. It was my own essence that made each of these characters unique. I started to identify as an actress, an artist, a creative, and this gave me a sense of self that I, for the first time in my life, felt proud of. 

The road from actress to beauty brand developer was…unpaved. I followed no one’s script but my own and more often than not, I was writing it as I went along. In 2013, I started my beauty brand development and marketing agency, Oyl + Water. I led with the tagline Never Blend In, and I thumbtacked 5 creative commitments to my vision board: 

• Begin with Why

• Be Unapologetic

• Do Less, Better

• Don’t Compete, Create New 

• Mind your body. Listen to your gut. Speak from the heart. 

I couldn’t see it then, but looking at this now, the dots connect. Being uncool was essential for me to find my authentic self. By standing out, I discovered what I stood for. Following trends and failing miserably was necessary for me to discover my own style. Embodying other characters freed me to feel my own emotions, wants and desires, and it ultimately helped me access my true nature, and discover my true gifts. And as I became more and more myself, I learned to trust my gut instincts and speak my truth. These 5 commitments were my personal values, and they became the foundation of the company I built. 

I have come to believe that the journey of building a great brand is similar to the journey of becoming your best self.

Both require deep self reflection and introspection. We must ask, and seek to answer: 

“Why am I here?” 

“What’s my purpose?” 

“What unique gifts do I have that can serve the world?”

“How can I build a life/brand around these gifts?” 

Both require incredible courage, to dare to be different and stand apart in order to stand for something. 

Both reveal a signature style. An authentic voice. A point of view. A distinct path for growth.

Both require a thick skin in the face of critics, and patience in the pursuit of refining our craft.   

In building a brand, and in becoming who we are meant to become, the goal is not to fit in (and it sure as hell isn’t to be cool.) It’s to find what makes us undeniably, unapologetically, quintessentially ourselves. 

In branding and in being, anything less than our true nature will not survive this world. Lean into your story, and build the brand that only you can.